Welcoming Children to Church

Faith matters

2007-09-10T11:53:00.000-07:00

I’m reading a book called Speaking of Faith by Krista Tippett, host of the Public Radio show of the same name.

It’s a smart and interesting book about the intersection of faith and reason and the search for a belief system that grows along with us. I love the idea that faith can be fluid, rather than fixed. It just makes sense. Shouldn’t our faith continue to evolve like everything else? Shouldn’t we go deeper into the stories and mystery as we grow, rather than staying penned in by tenets that don’t jibe with what our maturing minds and hearts tell us is true?

I believe so.

Tippett quotes many of my favorite people in her book, including Albert Einstein and Dietrich Bonhoeffer. All her sources manage to look beyond the apparent in search of the divine. I can’t help trying to do the same. And I love to read the insightful comments of other seekers.

If you, too, long for a faith that encompasses the ever-expanding breadth of the heart, mind, and soul, then I suggest this book as an affirming and enlightening read.

Let me know what you think.

Glorious creations

2007-09-09T22:53:00.000-07:00

I was storyteller in Worship and Wonder today.

Per the schedule, I drew the Creation story. Oh boy, I thought. Maybe I'll have to interject a little lesson on Darwin.

The children, mostly new to our church and exceptionally wide-eyed, sat rapt as I displayed cards representing the wonders of the world upon the blue felt, blessed each with my hand, and pronounced it good.

During prayer time, little voices thanked God for the sun and the rain and the green grass and grandmothers -- all things that sweeten life and reveal the divine.

At the end of the service, I felt that afterglow that comes from watching children express their spirituality. I decided the story was meant for me to tell today, after all.

I needed the reminder to thank God for our beautiful world, and all its beautiful creatures.

A child's spirit

2007-08-31T09:50:00.000-07:00

I got to help some 3rd graders with creative writing this morning.

At first, I was struck by how different each child looked. Some were smaller than my sons were in kindergarten; others were much bigger than they are now. There were children with light skin and children with dark skin -- shy children and talkative children -- children in fancy dresses and children in tattered clothing.

As a writer, each child had different strengths. Some were great with plot, others with description. Every child also had room to grow. They were works in progress, opened up before me. Each shone with a unique and beautiful spirit.

It was such a poignant sampling of God’s handiwork.

That special time, huddled together at a little table outside the classroom, reminded me of the wonder and beauty of God’s creations.

I can hardly wait to go back next week.

Children and gun violence

2007-08-28T05:55:00.000-07:00

I’ve been writing an article about children and guns for the November issue of DisciplesWorld.

It’s been rough going. Not because of lack of resources or motivation, but because the topic gets me right in the solar plexus.

I have an emotional storehouse there. It includes the video of Seung-Hui Cho ranting before his rampage at Virginia Tech. It includes memories of watching the horror unfold at Columbine. It includes news of a friend’s suicide. It includes all the stories I’ve ever read about children killing with and being killed by guns. And it includes the veiled threats and insults of gun rights advocates who rebutted my anti-gun essay.

I’ve been traumatized simply by living in our violent world.

I hate that I’ve developed something akin to a fear response when it comes to this issue. It muddles my mind and gets in the way of action.

Maybe that’s why I’m so impressed with the growing movement started by Abby Spangler at Protest Easy Guns. Thanks to this growing grassroots effort, groups of 32 people all over the country are lying down -- wearing orange and maroon ribbons -- to protest easy access to guns.

Why 32? In memory of the victims who died at Virginia Tech and because about 32 people die from gun violence every day in our country.

Groups of 32 are cropping up everywhere. Today alone, protests are being held in Raleigh, Philadelphia, Minneapolis, Richmond (CA), Springfield (IL), Portland (ME), and Seattle.

So far, none have been planned for Indiana. Our state doesn’t have a chapter of the Million Mom March. Silence speaks volumes.

So, I’m spreading the word about Protest Easy Guns. It’s only a small contribution, compared to what others are doing today.

But it’s a start.

I’m also hoping to interview Reverend Rachel Smith, founder of God not Guns, for my article. I’m certain I won’t have room to include all her thoughts, so I’ll share more here.

Stay tuned…

A prodigal life

2007-08-07T06:31:00.000-07:00

I taught Sunday school last week. The lesson was about the prodigal son.

The kids were supposed to draw a picture of a loving parent. I passed out paper and everyone sat there and stared at me. No one picked up a marker.

"My parents yell a lot, " one girl offered.

I ended up suggesting they imagine what a loving parent might look like and draw that.

Now, I know these children have loving parents. But that doesn't mean family life is easy. It's been a long summer. One extended car trip can just about do most of us in.

Anyhow, it turned out to be a good lesson for all of us -- children and parents -- who feel less than loving sometimes. Because it's about forgiveness.

God forgives us, we forgive ourselves, we forgive others, and -- hopefully -- they forgive us.

It's our only hope.

More alchemy

2007-07-16T11:17:00.000-07:00

“Everyone on earth has a treasure that awaits him,” his heart said. “We, people’s hearts, seldom say much about those treasures, because people no longer want to go in search of them. We speak of them only to children. Later, we simply let life proceed, in its own direction, toward its own fate. But, unfortunately, very few follow the path laid out for them – the path to their Personal Legends, and to happiness. Most people see the world as a threatening place, and, because they do, the world turns out, indeed, to be a threatening place.” (p. 131), The Alchemist

This passage brought tears to my eyes.

Several reasons, I think. First, the affirmation that what children know –and say and do – is true. I knew my own truth as a child, but very early began to shape it into what I hoped would be pleasing to the world. Now, I am watching my children do the same.

I want to stop the erosion of the truth, but I cannot. I hope I will notice and remember what is real and true in my children’s natures and be more help than hindrance when they seek to uncover their Personal Legends.

Also – I am simply sad that so many of us march out of time with our true natures and longings.

And, finally, another affirmation – that the world we perceive as threatening becomes more so. This is the crux of my struggle with the modern world. People say I’m naïve because I don’t believe we need guns to be safe. I say we create the safety of our world through our actions and beliefs.

This simple allegory begs to be re-read often, with fresh questions and perspective. If I can take one thing away with me now, it’s the knowledge that my treasure is where my heart is. Individual and indeterminable by anyone who doesn’t possess my heart – only I can find my treasure.

I’ll be seeking.

Listening to children

2007-07-12T17:44:00.001-07:00

I’m reading a little book called The Alchemist, written by Paulo Coelho.

One of my favorite parts so far is when Santiago, the shepherd, tells a gypsy about his recurring dream. Santiago says that, in the dream, a child tells him that his treasure can be found at the base of the pyramids in Egypt.

The gypsy says something like: “If a child said it, it must be true.”

The gypsy’s comment echoes my experience. Children are wiser than adults. Usually, if a child says it, it is true.

No wonder we tell them to hush.

This is why I think children should be at the forefront of church life. They know what we adults have forgotten in the process of growing up. Because of this, they are closer to God.

I also read a book by an angry atheist this summer. He believes the church commits great evil by indoctrinating children with religion when they are too naive to know fact from fiction.

I guess I have more faith in children. I see their open hearts and ability to understand the unseen as great assets in the church -- and in the world. The trouble is the adults who try to dismiss them.

If a child said it, it must be true.

We better start listening.

A Tacky character

2007-07-09T14:54:00.000-07:00

In the summer, we cast off regular programming and do children's church lite. When it's my turn to lead, I like to read books.

Tacky the Penguin is my hero of choice.

Poor Tacky never does anything quietly or neatly or conventionally, but he's all heart and manages to save the day anyhow.

The kids chortle and grin at his escapades. We can all relate to Tacky somehow.

To me, the book seems just right for church, where things can lean a little toward the prim and proper.

Tacky is anything but. Still, he's the type you'd like to have sitting next to you in the pew-- or even in the pulpit.

You'd certainly never fall asleep.

Keeping it real

2007-06-30T10:25:00.000-07:00

Children can really throw us for a loop. And then they turn into teenagers!

Mark Yaconelli writes about the anxiety that youth stir in many adults. Often, we pick up on their discomfort and things spiral downhill from there.

Many of us curl our own public personae around those of other people. But the further I am pulled from my true center, the more exhausted I grow.

Children and youth need us to show them how to be real.

An active little boy with whom I have worked bounced up to me after church. I was stunned when he slipped his small hand into mine. Clearly he felt a connection, though I wasn’t sure I was reaching him.

And then there was Vacation Bible School. Some of our third-graders shared some very personal concerns. I don’t think they would have opened up like that if they hadn’t felt safe and valued.

These moments remind me why I feel called to work with children. I want to help create a space where kids can be spontaneous and real-- and appreciated for who they are, right now.

We could all use more of that.

Big stuff

2007-06-25T12:16:00.000-07:00

A local VBS boasted attendance of over 500 kids and a mere 200 volunteers.

Our VBS rang up at about 1/5 of those figures, if you combined the numbers for all 5 nights.

The giant church offered a wide array of activities for kids who attended VBS, including miniature golfing and Frisbee golf. They even have their own soccer league. They’ve got the resources and manpower to provide what kids and families today want.

How can we compete?

Our church would like to attract families, too. But we have a handful of volunteers and one over-worked, part-time staff person.

Still, there is something about a personal touch. I know my kids feel cared for and comfortable at church. Maybe trying to compete isn’t the right approach.

Maybe we need to ask what we do well and how we can do it even better. Maybe we need to reach out to people we know and invite them to join our small, but sweet club.

And maybe we need to realize that bigger doesn’t always mean better. Children need personal relationships with caring adults to bolster their development. We are in the perfect position to provide care and concern for our cozy group of youngsters and guide them into promising futures.

If we can do this, and do it well, then we have no reason to feel small.

Heaven sent

2007-06-20T08:57:00.000-07:00

I co-led a “crew” of third graders for VBS. It was much easier than leading the preschool, which I did last year.

My partner was a wonderful woman named Donna. I know she celebrated her 80th birthday not long ago, but she’s spunky. She volunteers to help with the kids almost every Sunday.

Donna reminds me of my grandmother who died 6 months ago. She has the same positive, encouraging attitude. She even tells me she loves me. Actually, I’m convinced my grandmother hired Donna to keep an eye on me since she had to go.

I still miss my grandmother, of course. But hanging with Donna helps.

And I’m not the only one who benefits from her presence. At VBS, our whole crew of children got to bask in the glow of her love.

I don’t throw the “a” word around, but it does seem like some people must be messengers from above sent to do God’s work on Earth.

I’ve been blessed to know a few.

Celebrating children

2007-06-13T10:34:00.000-07:00

If you’ve checked in and found me absent, I apologize. My energy has been drawn elsewhere.

Yes, the kids got out of school.

It is one thing to write and speak of what we should do for children and quite another to be called to do it all day long! I find myself short on patience and energy. And then, of course, I get down on myself.

A little guilt can inflame my pen; too much tends to put out the fire.

I’ve been in a valley with my faith and church work, too. But, this week, I’m part of a team scaling the mountain called Vacation Bible School. We’re hiking downhill now, so I can truly rejoice.

Watching children fill several rows of pews down front feeds my soul. I love the laughter, friendship, fun, and sharing. VBS is what children’s church should be-- fully embracing of our youngest friends.

Although I wish we could sustain this level of involvement, perhaps I need to simply enjoy this week when the scales are tipped in our favor-- or maybe just more balanced. For a moment, all is as it should be.

It’s truly righteous.

And, it’s an apt culmination of the year I’ve spent exploring the possibilities of children and family ministries.

I hope you find similar joys with the children in your life this summer.

Wise words

2007-05-22T13:22:00.000-07:00

I’ve been reading a little book called The Inner Voice of Love by Henri Nouwen. It contains meditations Nouwen wrote while suffering from a “dark night of the soul”. It was recommended to me by a pastor who knew my faith has felt tremulous.

It's as if Nouwen peeked into my heart and wrote these words to me. I find myself re-reading certain passages, hoping to imbed them in my mind and heart—hoping to believe that such freeing truths could be, well, true.

This book addresses the inner work which I believe we all must do, if we hope to grow in our spirituality. Nouwen identifies universal fears and—while writing to comfort and reassure himself—offers comfort and reassurance to the reader.

Nouwen writes about gratuitous love. This is love freely given to others, without the expectation that they will return it, but with the knowledge that all expressed love will flow back eventually. The recipient of your love may not be the giver, and that’s okay. It is still right and good to give love freely. And it will come back.

I long to be free of the mind games we play with each other. I must believe that—with God’s help—I can thrive without expecting others to fill my empty spaces. I long for total acceptance of myself and others. But I have such a long journey still. And I feel so vulnerable.

Nouwen’s words point me in the right direction. They are salve on my sore spots. They are dewdrops of grace.

If this resonates with you, I suggest that you read Nouwen. You may find a voice that speaks right to your soul.

Getting on the schedule

2007-05-17T15:13:00.000-07:00

As I seek to support children’s ministries at my church, I’ve concluded it’s all about relationships. The church is the perfect place for us to get to know one another and establish caring connections. But it’s hard for us to get on folks’ schedule.

We’ve tried Wednesday nights, but things dwindle when the weather warms up and activities kick in. Now the church is thinking of centering family activities on Sundays, but that idea sounds kind of exhausting. I like Sundays to be quieter, less hectic.

I know many churches struggle with these issues. How do we compete with sports and other activities for space on the family calendar?

Maybe building around the Sunday service makes the most sense. Adults might not want Sunday afternoon activities, but children and youth like to be together.

Now we’re preparing for school to end and folks to scatter. But before we know it, we’ll be back again, trying to gather children and families in meaningful fellowship.

Check out www.disciplesworld.com for an inspiring story about a thriving, creative children’s ministry. It just takes one gifted and creative person—and a supportive church—to make a huge difference for children.

Remembering Mom

2007-05-12T23:55:00.000-07:00

I love that Mother’s Day falls on a Sunday, though my mother and I have sat in church together only a few times on Mother’s Day. The last time was seven years ago, I think, before we cut off the boys’ silky curls for the first time.

But I have sat in church many times and thought how blessed I am to have a mother like mine.

Mother’s Day means something a little different every year. This year it’s bittersweet because there was one less card to buy. I’ll miss talking to my grandmother and hearing her proclaim, “Every day is Mother’s Day!”

Whether we are celebrating, grieving, appreciating or regretting—and the mix grows richer and more complicated every year—let’s pray for reconciliation and reunion today.

For it’s a holy day, of sorts.

Happy Mother’s Day, Mom.

Happy Mother’s Day, everyone.

Clear and present children

2007-05-09T16:18:00.000-07:00

“I believe that children are our future,” Whitney Houston sang at a time when I listened to the radio as much as possible. I guess radio-listening is passé now.

Children and youth are the future of the world, obviously. But they are the present, too.

Many churches acknowledge the need to reach out to young people. Too few put children’s development at the center of church life.

Imagine a church with a vibrant spectrum of programming from tots to teens. Imagine a family of faith that spans the generations. Imagine the support that would under-gird and sustain us through the challenges of life—and faith.

Such a church won’t fix a broken world. But it would be a haven.

How can I give life to the vision that glows in my mind of a place where folks finally realize that what is good for children is good for all of us?

Is God calling me to make that vision reality?

Help!

Docking the ARK group for the summer

2007-05-07T10:25:00.000-07:00

We’re nearing the end of the pilot ARK group.

Everyone claims that they love the program and find value in the support and suggestions. No one can think of a more convenient time or format for the meetings. Free food and childcare after church are pretty good incentives.

But attendance has been unpredictable.

The most reliable participants have been those of us who live the closest and have the most regular schedules. Yes, those of us with two-parent families in which no one ever works on Sundays or has to worry about court-ordered child visits.

In truth, my family might have even missed a time or two if I wasn’t the coordinator. The boys had 2:00 soccer games the last two Sundays, which made our Sabbaths rather frenetic.

Today, families go nonstop. If weekends ever were sanctuaries, they are no longer. Sometimes we cut things out because we just need to find down time wherever we can.

The last thing I want is for ARK to be another stressor for families.

So, in the fall, I plan to offer the group during the Sunday school hour. The kids will be in Sunday school and, right now, several parents just wander around and munch donuts. We might as well be gathering and supporting one another.

Funny how scheduling seems to be one of the hardest parts of ministry. I know I’m guilty of putting church last on the list of priorities. Maybe it’s because you know they’ll probably forgive you, while the soccer moms might not.

Still, I have to think about what I’m showing my kids. I never expected that we’d spend so much time and energy on athletics. Church activities round our family out in important ways. They ground us in values too often missing on the soccer field.

So, I’m committed to ARK as a ministry to families in my community. I count my hours in ARK groups among the best time I’ve spent this year. I’m going to keep spreading the word.

Learn more about ARK at: www.thearkgroup.org.

Wherever two or three are gathered

2007-05-04T06:53:00.000-07:00

Here’s the working title of my new book: Why Churches Bring out the Worst in People.

I’d like to know how church life can manage to turn a bunch of Christians into wild animals. We better hope God is with us because otherwise we are going to get eaten alive—by each other.

I know some of the answers. We’re human. We’re political. We’re sensitive, and often blind to out own faults.

Plus, we’re prone to group think. The outspoken speak out and too many of us just mumble our opinions under our breath , but go along with the crowd.

Factions divide, resentment festers, and feelings get hurt. Churches are messy because people are messy.

I’m quick to point fingers at those who I don’t get along with, but not as good when the finger gets pointed at me.

I know I should pray more, but I’m better at complaining.

Yet, I know that the church is me and I am the church. Maybe I should call my book: Why Church Brings out the Worst--and the Best--in Me. That would be more accurate.

Yesterday I read a publication in which a young woman minister quoted Sharon Watkins, “We are the people we’ve been waiting for.”

Oh. Okay, then.

I guess--if I want peace and justice--it's up to me.

But what do I do with this accumulated angst? And how can I best advocate for children, and others whose voices aren't heard?

Prayer, take three.

Navigating the wilderness

2007-05-02T10:24:00.000-07:00

I’m beginning to see the scope of things. Yes, I’m beginning to get the lay of the land.

It looks rocky. It looks dangerous. I’m not sure I can get across in one piece.

I’m wondering if I should turn back and run for shelter. What was I thinking, coming out into this wilderness? I feel lost and alone.

Where am I?

No, I’m not in the Arizona desert, among the rattlers and scorpions.

I’m in church. And I care about children.

Children and church. Church and children. The alliteration is lovely. You’d think the pairing would be natural. But it’s not.

Of course, I once believed churches were enclaves of harmony and bliss, too. You can tell I didn’t attend church much in my younger days.

Churches are microcosms of society. Just like people, they are imperfect.

But I have a dream. I want to see children fully embraced and celebrated at church. I don’t know exactly how to make that happen, but I better start to figure it out.

I have a feeling that there are no magic pills. I have a feeling that this is up to me.

I must take action. I must spread the word. I must practice what I preach.

Time to pray, again.

Turning on the light

2007-04-30T07:19:00.000-07:00

Our church has been trying to compile the resources to offer a full-time ministerial job to our music director, who’s about to graduate from seminary. We’ve had trouble hanging on to a youth director, so the plan is to fold the open, part-time youth position into this new ministry job. Supervising the youth program will be one more thing on her laundry list of duties.

We’ve got a caring children’s director who works part-time, but has way too much on her plate. Few additional resources are being directed towards children and families. Right now, middle grade needs are met by parents and youth needs are met by volunteers.

It makes me nervous. I volunteer all I can, but I can’t do it all. When my kids get older, they’ll need strong guidance and support. I’d like to see someone with a passion for youth guiding the ship.

I guess what makes me sad—and even a little sick—is that it feels like children and youth are destined to remain on the periphery in my church. We show them off as performers, but there’s no real recognition of their value as spiritual members of the church family.

The ironic thing is that the church invested significant resources into a study that concluded they needed to target families with children in order to grow.

But folks still don’t seem to get it.

I know a church can’t rely on paid staff for everything. I wish others would throw themselves into working with the children and youth who venture through our doors.

There are so few of us trying to do this important work. It makes me want to give up. It makes me want to stomp off and look for a church that gets it, if such a place exists.

But I can’t quit--and I don’t want to leave.

So, I have to find a way to increase the perceived value of the children and youth in our aging church. I must be here for a reason. Somehow--some way--I must make a difference.

I think it’s time to pray.

Still learning

2007-04-27T07:26:00.000-07:00

My family valued education. It was the ticket out of the working class for my father. He was the first college graduate in his family, and he even went on to get his doctorate.

My parents wanted me to have the same opportunity. And, indeed, I managed to get my doctorate in school psychology in a busy year that included the birth of the twins.

I have tried to pass on the high standards to my children. I helped them learn to read before they started school and tried to offer enriching experiences.

But, at some point, I began to question whether or not high achievement was all it’s cracked up to be.

I realized that I didn’t take time to fully consider my own post-college choices. If I had, I probably would have gone a different route. A doctorate has limited value when you don’t want to work in the field.

And, I began to question whether the educational model offers all the tools for successful living. For one thing, it’s competitive. That’s great for those of us who do well academically, but it’s not great for everyone. I don’t believe human value should be tied to academic achievement. There are too many inherent prejudices in the system.

Knowledge is good. But true power comes from a wisdom and spiritual maturity that are rarely taught in school. Such wisdom recognizes the value of children as full people even before they begin school. We don’t have to feed them to make them flower. They come to us in full bloom.

The change in my perspective has been painful and slow-coming. I don’t think it’s reached my behavior yet. I still glow when my children bring home “perfect” papers. I still hope they’ll be leaders some day.

But I hope for more, too. I hope they’ll see beyond the surface. I hope they’ll find that education is one of many tools that can shape a human being.

Most of all, I hope they’ll know their light comes from their essence as children of God, and can never be dimmed.

Come to the table

2007-04-25T05:45:00.000-07:00

Working on a study guide for Children at the Lord’s Table has helped me realize that the Age of Enlightenment was a mixed blessing for children.

Prior to that time, children were viewed as small adults. Obviously, that was not always a good thing. Children were expected to do the work of adults at a young age. What we take for granted now about development wasn’t considered.

But “enlightened” thinking about children also led to a drop in their status in society. Children lost privileges and were presumed to be in need of control and education. One consequence seems to have been the withdrawal of the cup. Suddenly, people worried that children might not have the cognitive capacity to understand communion and might somehow misuse the elements.

Education is important, certainly, and children do benefit from boundaries. But, in a spiritual and moral sense, children do not have less value just because they do not contribute economically. Actually, children often possess an understanding of God that surpasses adults who have bought into the notion that value equals material possessions. In their innocence, children are wise.

Many of us hobble back and forth between trying to honor and control our children. Finding the right balance is not easy. But I don’t like closed doors. I want to invite all children warmly into the wonder of God’s mystery and love. Calling them to the table is one way to do that.

This is for you, I want to say. You are welcome here, always and forever, no matter what doors the world may close in your face. Whether young, old, beautiful, ugly, rich, poor, sick, healthy, dying or just-born--this is for you.

Come.

Talking it through

2007-04-23T08:08:00.000-07:00

This week, I got the chance to write a brief news article for DisciplesWorld magazine (www.disciplesworld.com) about talking to children about traumatic events. It’s ideal when editorial needs and my own interests coincide. In situations like this, it might even be therapeutic.

Writing helps me process confusing and anxiety-provoking aspects of life. Sometimes I write my way out of a thundercloud and end up in the sun. Other times I write my way out of a muddle and into a solution. Only rarely do I write myself deeper into despair.

Writing isn’t everyone’s cup of tea. But we all need ways to release stress and process challenging situations. We need other people to talk things through with us and offer support when we are struggling.

I don’t know about you, but my social circle isn’t as wide as it might be. Even rarer are those friends with whom I can share my deepest fears and concerns and who I know accept and love me just the way I am.

Our ARK (Adults Relating to Kids) group is still in its infancy, but it’s a great forum for talking about some of the stuff that matters--and worries me--most. Yesterday, we talked about fighting and weapons. I shared how I struggle with weapons in our house--Nerf dart guns and plastic light sabers--and the maniacal play that ensues. Part of me knows its “normal” for boys to play this way. Another part of me cringes at the wild attacks my children wage on each other--and the furniture.

Talking with other parents helped me clarify where setting boundaries and having discussions with my children might help me bridge the gap between their play and my comfort zone. I couldn’t have gotten there on my own. My fear and anxiety ran too high.

Too soon this spring, our pilot ARK group will be over. But we’ll start up again in the fall and plan to meet for a longer stretch of time. I hope that we’ll all feel a little less stressed and more supported as parents--and people.

Telling the kids

2007-04-21T04:00:00.000-07:00

I don't usually repeat posts on my two blogs, but they seem to have different readers and this topic pertains to both, so I'm breaking my own rule today.

Well, we did it. We talked to the kids about Virginia Tech.

We asked what they had heard. Nothing, they said, although they recalled that Tech’s campus is where they like to ride bikes with Grandfather and their cousins. So I told them that a sick man had shot some students and professors there. Grandfather and Grandmother were not on campus at the time and are safe, but they’re sad—as are we—for all the families and friends who lost loved ones.

The boys had a few questions, some difficult to answer: "Why was he so mad?”, “Where is he (Cho Seung Hui) now?” and "How did he get the guns?” None of it is easy to explain, especially the fact that almost any adult can purchase the weaponry to carry out a massacre. That doesn’t help kids feel safe. But it did give me a chance to explain why I believe in gun control.

My sons’ questions related to their lives and their experiences in Blacksburg. They want to know if anything will change for them. And, on the one hand, it probably won’t. But, on the other hand, Virginia Tech, our family, and the world are changed by violent acts and their reverberations. I wish it wasn’t so, but I can’t deny that we live in a violent world.

Perhaps trying to protect my kids from exposure to violence is an extreme--not to mention futile--response. Perhaps, over the nest few years, we need to watch some violent imagery together and talk about what it means. That goes against every fiber of my being, but maybe I have to be willing to walk into the darkness with my children so they know they are not alone.

Yesterday, the boys wore their Virginia Tech jerseys in those unforgettable shades of orange and maroon. They showed their Hokie pride and sympathy for our beloved Blacksburg. Somehow, it seemed to help. Yes, I think we’re going to be okay.

May the same be true for everyone.

Only God

2007-04-19T07:33:00.000-07:00

I’ve been writing about the Virginia Tech situation in Widen My Heart, my blog in the local newspaper. I’ve been struggling with what to say to the boys. So far, I’ve said nothing. Somehow it’s hard to take a moment out of our lively days to turn the talk to something dark and heinous.

I think it comes down to control. I want to feel in control and I want the boys to feel in control, too. Things like this remind us that we’re not in control. That’s why we need God.

My mother-in-law, who lives in Blacksburg, has found comfort and strength in her faith. She finished a recent email with the words, “Only God can help this situation!”

She’s right, of course.

Whether you’re on the front lines or only feel as though you are because of the media blitz, times like this scramble the senses. Several anniversaries of tragic losses fall in this week. Things can look pretty grim, through the media lens.

I tend to lose sight of the light when the darkness comes. But, of course, that’s when we need it most. I have to trust in my faith in God.

I can’t hide from evil, though I wish I could. I can’t shield my kids from everything scary, but I can try to provide a different lens to look through. So, with prayers for courage, I’ll talk with my boys this evening.

May God bless us, everyone.